WARNING! QUILT POX VERY CONTAGIOUS TO ADULTS!
Continual complaint as to need for snuggling under a handmade quilt. Patient has blank expression, sometimes deaf to spouse and kids. Has no taste for bedspreads or electric blankets. Hangs out at Quilting Bees. Mumbles to self “Log Cabin”, “Double Wedding Ring”, “Ohio Rose”…
NO KNOWN CURE!
Medication is useless, Disease is Not Fatal. Victim should attend as many Quilt shows and Quilt shops as possible.
Cause: The Fabric Effect
A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones that actually hypnotize women, and causes them to purchase ungodly amounts.
Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few of the breed of women known as “quilters”.
When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome (similar to the one squirrels have before the onset of winter, i.e: storing food), therefore, perpetuating their species, and not having a population loss due to their kind being cut up into little pieces and mixed with others.
When played backwards on a LP, the sounds are heard as chants “buy me, cut me, sew me”!
In order to overcome the so called ‘feeding frenzy effect’ that these fabrics cause, one must wear a face mask when entering a storage facility and use ear plugs to avoid being pulled in to their grip. (One must laugh, however, at the sight of women in a fabric store, with WWII Army gas masks and headphones!)
Studies also indicate that aliens have inhabited the earth, helping to spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human woman population. They are called FABRIC STORE CLERKS.
The Quilt Shop Navigator blog was recently informed that Cause: The Fabric Effect was written by Kathy Smith Harris and was originally published in August 1997 in the Western North Carolina Quilters Guild Newsletter. We apologize publicly to Kathy for the omission of a proper attribution.